Football Or Marriage

While most smart females worldwide have begun making plans of getaways with girlfriends and are grabbing their men for last minute dates, I am on the other side of the court. With the men who are about to disappear for months. Forget about the elections that will torment us for a few days and then we’re back to complaining of this MP and that Governor. I am on the side of the court that is about to unite people worldwide. Football season is a whiff away!

With such kind of excitement, you can only see the sense in why I have continually thanked God this whole month that I am not married. Fam, I had a “Life Book”. It explicitly highlighted my plan for my life. I was supposed to be married by 25. Lol. I am 25 and cannot even begin to imagine HOW I would have been someone’s wife, let alone mother, at this point. My mother had 2 kids by 25. I am here struggling to find my bra straps, how can I even match my child’s name to his/her face? I salute all women who have children by 25. I have refused to can.

Imagine how I would be struggling next month. Mr. Man and I get home from work. I get in and place my bag somewhere, wash my hands and take a fruit. Any team is playing, and I am all psyched to watch and place bets and have stories. And, of course, piss Mr. Man. (It’s in the constitution). Mr. Man will ask for food when the game is hottest, like a typical man. “Master, wait till half time” I will say, before being taken back to my mother’s house the next day.

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I joined campus in April 2012. World cup was so lit at the time. I already had relatives telling me how I would never get a husband when they heard I was going to study Politics. A Nyerian woman studying politics. That’s the kind of sentence that makes you join campus with so much humility and you become too conscious. Because, you must look wife material, you know? I didn’t even speak of football, because, you know… Until my newest friend mentioned it. And I knew I had found my soul-mate.

Guise, it is one thing to look for plot in campus. It is yet another for two first year females to look for a place to watch football. But our mothers didn’t raise quitters, so we approached one of her male friends.

“Where do you guys usually watch football?”

There is laughter only men can give when a woman asks for a place to watch football.

Moi University Student’s Center, also known as “Stuudie”, was the spot. Strathmore and USIU students shouldn’t even attempt to imagine how stuudie looks like. It is the equivalent of a chaotic empty hexagonal space. With a roof so open, even the echo echoes itself. But we went. Not quitters, remember? Surprised that men were carrying chairs, but even more surprised that more than 500 students would follow this anticipated match via a 30 inch television.

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I used to attend Gor Mahia matches. If you have never seen miracles, please attend one… especially when against AFC Leopards. How people suddenly turn the papers and money in their pockets into stones will forever remain a miracle that should be in the Guinness Book. Forget the backward writer who called Gor Mahia a “little-known Kenyan club”. But the stones and teargas I witnessed at Nyayo Stadium were nothing compared to the flying chairs these very dry Moi University goons called men threw.

I can confidently say that that was how we got inducted and oriented into Political Science. What is African politics without chaos? If that is how these MPs feel during those chaotic meetings, I think I will be comfortable working behind the scenes.

A Mr. Man left me in a club in 2014. My team was playing against his and we won. Apparently, I celebrated too loudly. Sigh. Story for another day.

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I have been through too much for football. I am working to reduce this appeasement. Ba is harrd. I can see myself putting my kids to bed at 6 pm just to enjoy my football time. Or cooking at the beginning of the season and stocking the fridge. Sigh. And if my relatives get to read this, prayers will be convened.

Brethren, take your women out for dinner or drinks or something before August. Appreciate the effort they put all year. And the loneliness they will feel. And if you’re a woman with a man who doesn’t watch football, and you do, Mwathani akuririkane my sister because! This life is tricky.

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I’M THAT GIRL

Image result for pen on paper

I am that girl.
I am the shy girl
At the party
Who fakes smiles
At all who come her way,
just to be polite
The one who will be on her phone
For almost the entire evening
Because it’s a good distraction
Somehow

I am that girl
Whose life looks coined
From some old fable
That teaches girls
To be cultured
The one everyone calls perfect
Just because her life appears so
As no one is yet to notice
Her frustrating wade
Under the surface

 

And I’m the girl
Who sees her life
In a multiple of colors
Whose order is found
In having things in specific colors
Her friends gasp and admire
Oh, you’re so neat
Without realizing
It’s OCD

I’m that girl
Who has lived a thousand lives
Travelled to the ends of the earth
In the literature
She loses herself into
Finding comfort in the characters
Lost and confused and shattered
Longing to be understood
Like her

I’m that girl
Drawn to music and art and literature
Not for the tune or jibe
Not for the words
But for the emotions
The feel behind the many words
The torment and peace
Carved so artistically
In each piece

And I am that girl
Who has been to prison
Been a slave to her thoughts
Been bound by heavy chains of heartbreak
Who understands all too well
The emptiness of loneliness
And that still small recurrent voice
Convincing you it’s okay
It’s okay to give up
To give up on oneself
On love
On hope
On life

I’m that girl
Who will rather texts to calls
Because it’s a great torment
Trying to express herself
To a world that doesn’t understand women
Who love football and old movies
And whose idea of an ideal gift
Is not a dress or shoe, however nice
But a book

I’m still that girl
Who has been knocked down
But still keeps pressing on
Pressing on to something unknown
Hopeful that she will love
And be loved again
Someday
Not in some old-time fairy tale of love
But in some deeper way

See, I’m that girl
Who has seen it all
I wouldn’t try to hurt you
even if you did
I want you to see that
I would open up and love and say IT
If I had the courage and words to use on you
But the demons dancing in my head
Will not allow it.